Please enjoy this blog entry by Yasmine Plantilla. Yasmine is a student at UCF in Orlando, and was a Student Leader for her FCA Huddle Club for 3 years at East Lake High School in Tarpon Springs, FL. Yasmine currently is involved in church leadership and is seeking the area of ministry God has called her to take up vocationally after college.
Six months ago, I was diagnosed with depression. I didn’t want to believe it. I was a Christian who found all things in my Savior. How could I be depressed? My life wasn’t even that bad. Nothing tragic had happened, I was definitely not depressed. I refused the medicine my doctors prescribed me and pretended like nothing was wrong. Last month, I had hit my max. I was sleeping all day, crying all night. I isolated myself from all my friends and began slacking off in school. I opened up to my close friends and they insisted I visit a doctor. I was once again told that I had depression. I finally had to decide to be put on my medication and begin trying to get better. I have a long road to recovery and some days are harder than others, but the one thing I have learned through all of this, is that my problems are not bigger than my God.
I think sometimes in life, we look at what’s going on around us and we question God. We ask why he puts suffering in our lives that we can’t quite comprehend. We close off our thinking from a spiritual understanding to a worldly understanding. “God must not know what he’s doing or he wouldn’t let me be depressed, or he wouldn’t let my parents get divorced, he wouldn’t let her get cancer. God must not understand”. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. Not only does God understand, he experienced suffering beyond what we will ever know. God came down in human flesh as Jesus and endured not only physical pain through torture and crucifixion, but also spiritual pain through the rejection of God while on the cross. Jesus had to die on the cross alone and God had to turn his head so that Jesus could fully take on God’s wrath for our sin. This is the salvation that we believe in. That Jesus died the rightful physical and spiritual death we deserved then rose again triumphantly three days later and took the right hand of God’s throne. When we accept this, we deny all the thoughts that our problems are bigger than our God. Jesus is worthy of our trust and reliance because of his victory over death. Our savior triumphed over the world and the rejection he felt from God on the cross, led to the full access we have to the Father during our times of anguish and pain. The comfort that he was without during his suffering, leads to the comfort we gain during our suffering. This is the mystery of grace. That we receive the Father’s unending love that is so undeserved.
We will never understand this scandal of grace, but how do we not trust and embrace all that God has to offer us. As I journey through this season in my life, I cling to the victory of my Savior Jesus. I do not weep and mourn over my suffering, but I rejoice knowing that in my pain, I depend more and more on my God. My days are not always easy and at times I do not see light at the end of the tunnel. But I don’t need a happy ending. I don’t need a miracle to shoot down from the sky. These are not the things that will fulfill me. God doesn’t promise us a happy life without pain, he promises us hope in our pain. Hope that Jesus has overcome and leaves us without worry. Hope that comforts and satisfies the soul. Hope that only comes from Christ.
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the LORD: "O LORD, save me!"
The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.
Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.
For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the LORD in the land of the living.
Posted on Tue, March 22, 2016
by Jackie Peterman